Wednesday, July 12, 2000 Federal Way Mirror
Reunion illustrates the best meaning of family
INNER VISIONS
By Maggie Ellis
The
first invitation dated June 10, 1903 read: "Yourself and your family are
invited to attend the First Rinehart Annual Reunion of the descendants of Lewis
and Elizabeth Rinehart, who crossed the plains to Oregon in 1854, which will be
held July 14,15 and 16, 1903 two miles west of Summerville, Oregon on the James
H. Rinehart "Old Homestead' where there is plenty of wood, water and grass
and good camping ground."
Come they did and they keep coming year after year. The
exceptions were the war years of 1942=45 due to the shortage of gasoline.
This year, I went along at the invitation of Federal Way
attorney Preston Johnson. He is a great-great-grandson of these hardy souls who
settled the Northwest. Each year a family unit acts as hosts to the Rinehart
descendants. In June, he and his family hosted the 93rd reunion held in Sandy,
Ore., beside the Barlow Trail traveled by their pioneer ancestors.
After hearing about this reunion for years, my professional
curiosity was stirred by a family that had managed to stay connected and
assembled themselves every year for almost a century. I was more intrigued when
I learned they had formed a nonprofit organization, for the purpose of
sponsoring the reunions and other family history projects. One project has been
a book about family history, anecdotes and genealogy. A yearbook that includes
current family information is compiled each year.
I wondered how they had managed to transcend the typical
family rivalries, injured feelings, and power struggles that sabotage so many
families. I thought I might learn something to help me in my work with others
who want to either enrich or create a family network.
I arrived at the noon cookout on Friday feeling awkward to be
at a family reunion where I had not a drop of common blood. How would folks take
my being there? By the time we sang "God Be with You till We Meet
Again" at the Sunday closing, I had exchanged e-mail addresses and phone
numbers with a half-dozen people. Several sought me out to hug and urge me to
come again next year.
I was right. This large and welcoming network of extended kin
have a great deal to teach the rest of us who want to keep the history of our
family alive.
These folks have found ways to maintain a sense of family
identity and history in spite of distance, time, age, religious and socio-economic differences.
Acceptance and tolerance lay the foundation for their ability
to meet, stay connected and enjoy each other at gatherings. As I listened to
conversations, what I noticed most was what I didn't hear: Children weren't
criticized; no one mentioned who had lost or gained weight, or whether Aunt
Susie had colored her hair. I heard not comments about cousin John's
fourth marriage; no remarks were made about loose morale teen-agers nor their
loud music.
It is simply enough to a Rinehart by birth, marriage, or
adoption and once family always family. I heard the story of one member, now
deceased, who had married into the family. When his wife died, her remarried and
brought wife No. 2 and then her children and grandchildren.
It is multi-generational living. In some instances, four
generations attended the reunion together. Elders are respected. Their memories
and their stories are sought out. Children are enjoyed and encouraged to
participate. The oldest woman present is 93, The youngest was 10 weeks old.
Family identity starts young. Adults reported a common
pattern of attending as children with their parents. This is often followed by
years of nonattendance due to school, social activities, and establishing their
own families. Once their families get older, they had more time and became
active in the family organizations.
Few of us have this kind of familial experience. Many of us
wish we did. This family network took many years to develop. More than that, it
took a few people willing to believe that which binds them together is greater
and more important than their differences. It can begin with us.
Maggie Ellis is a certified mental health counselor and a marriage and family therapist.